Recently, at work, we were talking about maiden names and name changes after marriage. For me, that also includes a name change after divorce. I don't ever plan on changing my name again, and let me tell you why.
First, everyone is different. What is right for one person, isn't for the other. So this is absolutely not an advice article. I was head over heels in love, and changing my last name to reflect my husband's was a simple, expected, and welcomed step in my marriage. I never thought twice about it. However, once I was going through a divorce, I started to think about my name a lot differently.
After John and I separated, I immediately wanted to change my last name back to Mills. For those of you who know John, his last name is long, contains a lot of vowels, and is pronounced wrong nearly 90% of the time. But, to be honest, that had little to do with why I wanted to change my name back (however, it was a welcomed perk.) I had become so enveloped by being John's wife, that after I lost that title...I felt like I had lost myself. My identity was no longer clear.
BUT...changing your name is a REAL pain in the ass. I briefly considered keeping my married name, just to avoid the hassle of changing it. However, after the crippling pain that is divorce, I had to make some decisions for myself...no matter how much hassle it caused. SO, I went back to Mills. I began building my career with that last name; I began rebuilding my life with that last name; and I began finding myself again. And that is the real reason I don't intend on ever changing my name again. But hey...never say never, right?
So...if you want to be Mr. and Mrs. Smith...or Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones...or just Ms. Jones...Don't ever let society or anything else pressure you. Do what your heart tells you and choose your own identity...it will liberate you!
All my love.
My last post was about my unapologetic happiness. And I am still so happy, but bad days still rear their ugly head sometimes and that's okay.
Yesterday was a bad day for me. I think it was a combination of things: I had worked 13 hours the day before, I hadn't been feeling well, and my emotions were getting the better of me. But the biggest unknown for me when I have a bad day is...how do I make it better? That's the dreaded question...right?
My friends can tell when I have an off day, I'm just not myself. But I never quite know what I am going to need. A night in watching movies? A night out drinking with friends? Dinner and a movie? Wine in bed? That is the hardest part...I never know. Therefore, when I am asked what has gotten me down, I usually chalk it up to "a hard day at work" or "just not feeling right". Because in my anxiety ridden head - "there are still somedays when I hope I wake up and it's all just a dream" seems a tad too dramatic to say out loud. So I don't.
I often struggle with not putting the burden on other people. I have had anxiety most my life, but after clawing myself out of some of the darkest moments in life...I still have a voice in my head telling me I should be okay all the time. And I am here to tell you...that is not the case. No matter what you've gone through in life, THERE WILL BE BAD DAYS. It is natural, it is expected, and it is okay. It's a hard lesson to learn and one that I am still learning.
Keep on keepin' on, friends. Lean on those around you- they don't see it as a burden. They love you. Have bad days; embrace them and learn from them.
All my love.