It took me nearly a year to write this. An open letter to the woman on the plane who felt compelled to comfort my mother... Dear stranger, We had planned the visit months earlier. My mom was coming down from out of state to visit my husband and me. We hadn’t been able to make it home for Christmas that year and so we planned a long weekend so we could spend some time with her. One week, almost exactly, before my mom was scheduled to come down to see us…my husband came out to me and we separated. He was gay. We were in this weird limbo of still living together, still loving one another, but unable to be together in the way we had always hoped. Then, to throw a wrench in it all, my mom was on her way! My husband and I went back and forth on whether to tell her what was going on or sort out our feelings and put on a brave (fake) front while she was there. I told my mother what happened the exact same day my husband told me. I am her only daughter and I have never been good at hiding my feelings from my mom. Ultimately, I just couldn’t convince her I was okay. Now, dear stranger, you don’t know my mother…but she is one of the most empathetic persons I know. She hurts when those she loves hurts. In some ways, she was more confused than I was about the situation. How did he not know? Doesn’t he love you? How could he be so selfish? Is he coping well? What does this mean for his parents? What are you going to do? The hard part was…I didn’t have answers to any of those questions and neither did he.
And then you came along. You could tell my mother was upset; that she was struggling; that she was embarking on a difficult journey. You asked if you could help. Oh silly stranger! You had no idea what was about to be unleashed onto you. But you handled it with such grace and poise. You listened, you comforted, and you aided. You said words to my mother that still ring true and help her every day: “Maybe your daughter was meant to be in his life. Maybe she gave him the courage to be who God had always intended him to be.”
Funny thing is- it was like you were reading my mind. This was truly one of the first coherent thoughts I had after the fog of grief had lifted a bit. I was liberal, open-minded, outrageous, courageous, and contagious. I have, and always will be, a force to be reckoned with. And that rubbed off on my husband…and each and every day I thank God for teaching me to be that person; for allowing me to love my husband so fiercely that he could finally love himself. So kind stranger, thank you. Thank you for lending an ear; thank you for opening your heart to a mother in need; thank you for giving a gift that can never be repaid; thank you for loving, listening, and learning. Your presence that day is cherished more than you know. Love, An ex-wife, a fierce advocate, and a loving daughter
12 Comments
Cindy
4/24/2017 05:14:00 pm
Love you!!!
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Daniel
4/24/2017 05:17:51 pm
You a fantastic writer and a terrific daughter. Your words made me weep. You are so strong. Thanks for being YOU!
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Theresa
4/24/2017 05:21:27 pm
I love you! You ROCK!
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GB
4/24/2017 05:40:24 pm
You are so strong and wise. Continue to be proud of all your accomplishments. Life is a never ending journey of learning.
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Lyn
4/24/2017 07:44:44 pm
How wonderfully written. On that day, the woman on the plane was an angel.
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Sue Griffioen
4/25/2017 06:45:57 am
We love you Allyson
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Betsy Weems
4/25/2017 07:03:30 pm
Oh my dear, Allyson. Perfectly penned, and straight from your soul. Beauty does indeed rise from the ashes. Love you, sweet and wise young woman. I can't wait to see what God has in store for you next!
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Melanie Pepper
4/25/2017 08:01:24 pm
"A strong woman knows that she has the potential to shine in this world, but true strength lies in her ability to lay down her life so that God can shine through her."
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Sandy skartsiaris
4/26/2017 07:37:37 am
I wasn't close enough to walk through this journey with you but I did see you on fb. You had that beautiful loving accepting smile. I was having a quiet time when I received this and what cameto me was a butterfly. The stages from caterpillar to Chrysalis the struggle to break out and become what it is. You have allowed that process and perhaps whenever you see a butterfly you will be able to smile knowing you helped set it free. You are a beautiful loving caring accepting woman. Love you
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Kathleen Triezenberg
4/26/2017 08:04:21 am
Absolutely the most beautiful thing I've EVER read on Face Book so far by an amazing young lady with courage, strength and the ability to set free that wonderful butterfly 🦋 Sandy was talking about.
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Betsy
4/28/2017 01:53:25 pm
Your words bring tears, sweet sister. I know your mama's fierce love for you - and God's, too. I love the way the airplane stranger lived into the promises we make at baptism: encourage one another and build each other up, help us when we fall ... 143
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Pam
5/4/2017 02:43:17 am
WOW! This is so beautiful just like YOU!
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